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Friday, November 30, 2007

Life goes on, but it sure feels awfully different.
I know testings have to come, but why do they have to come so relentlessly?
It doesnt help that i'm contributing to this mess either, with my stupid extreme moodswings and worrying and wondering and questioning.
Will somebody please please please just kill me.
*developed a perpetual headache*

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Have you ever talked to God above
Tell Him that you need a friend to love
Pray in Jesus' name believing that
God answers prayer

Have You told Him all your cares and woes
Every tiny little fear He knows
You can pray and always know
That He will answer prayer

You can whisper in a crowd to Him
You can cry when you're alone to Him
You don't have to pray out loud to Him
He knows your thoughts

On a lofty mountain peak He's there
In a meadow by a stream He's there
Anywhere on earth you go
He's been there from the start

Find the answer in His word. It's true
You'll be strong because He walks with you
By His faithfulness He'll change you too
God answers prayer

Came across this hymm on Joycelyn's blog, and like her, i found it awfully familiar too.
Tthink this was one of the hymns that really touched my heart in primary school.
could only find that clip on youtube though. but the girl's voice is really quite sweet.

am glad God brought me back to this song, and it has been tlp's source of comfort for e past 3 days. the words just keep replaying, and somehow the familiarity of this helps strengthen me.

situations can change really quickly, and i guess it's rather obvious what's happened. really didnt expect that it'd hit me so hard and so deeply though. have been doing alot of thinking these past few days as well.

Was talking to logan on friday, and he said "know that everything is a temporal gift from God, and that he can take it back at anytime". it's true. everything is only temporal, but they are gifts nevertheless. The present, and the future is, has always, and will alwyas be completely uncertain, and no amount of planning can gurantee anything. Paths can turn in completely different directions in the blink of an eye.

In the light of such uncertainty, there are 2 paths we can choose. To either treasure the present all the more, or to distance ourselves from the uncertainty to prevent potential hurts. It all boils down to exposing our vulnerabilites, and having to courage to face your feelings and fears.
But who can say which choice is right and which is wrong? There are risks to be taken on both paths, one where you risk losing things you treasure, yet at the same time you gain such in-depth experiences, and knowing that you wont live in regret wondering how this path would have been like. On the other hand, we may try to seek sercurity in stability and what we (may think we) know, to minimise losses and hurts, to pretend or convince ourselves that nothing good could or would have come out of the situation anyway, to be totally oblivious to everything.

But nothing in life is ever certain or predictable, so how do we decide on our course of action? even in situations which we may think we know, can we ever be completely certain of the outcome? whatever it is, i'm glad i didnt throw this gift from God back into his face. He gave me this experience, and allowed me to grow from it, and is now giving me the strength to stand up again, though the pair of hands that i'd so wished would be there to help pull me up wasnt there. But he gave me my own hands, and other pairs of hands, and for that, i'm grateful.

Life goes on.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Before I fall in love: Coco Lee

My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel
Cuz my heart's been fooled before
Am I just seeing what I want to see
Or is it true
Could you really be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know
Before I fall in love

Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now
Before I fall in love

And I'm at the point of no return
So afraid of getting burned
But I wanna take a chance
Oh please
Give me a reason to believe

Say you're the one
That you'll always be
Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know
Before I fall in love

Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now
Before I fall in love

It's been so hard for me
To give my heart away
But I would give my everything
Just to hear you say...

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know
Before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs

Please tell me now
Before I fall in love

*tired of floating around*
why cant we turn back time?
why is it so difficult to live the lives we want to live in this world?
why do humans like to overrationalise things?
why are there so many considerations we have to account for as we grow?
why cant we be in control of our own lives?
why is it so hard to learn to cherish the present?
why cant i be happy and contented with what i have?
why cant things just settle down and stop being so foggy?
why must it be so difficult from the start to the end?
why must there be so many freaking questions?
why am i still holding on?
why cant i just let go?
why do i never learn?
stupid, useless, USELESS USELESS USELESS tlp.

Monday, November 19, 2007

absolutely useless

yes. absolutely useless.
all tlp wants to do is to stay out.
to never never return home.
to waste her life away.
more self destruction.
to run away from everything.
and everyone.
because she hates hates hates herself.
seriously.
tlp is so freaking useless.

Friday, November 09, 2007

official mother hen

brought e chickies out to e backyard for some fresh air and sun this morning after cooking lunch.
e chicks had fun! let vea out alone first, since she seems e most trustworthy. she refused to move for e first 5 secs, then ate an ant, and started pecking at everything. decided it was safe to let e other 2 out too, and took more photos of their fat chickie butts =) will upload another day.
yea and the chicks officially seem to recognise me as their mummy, or at least vea and friday do. little starburst just sticks to friday. vea's such a cute baby.. she comes charging after me with her wings extended, like she's running for her life, whenever i walk away.. have to take care not to step on her, cos she likes to charge right next to my feet. friday seems to think my toe's a good place to perch on. yeaaaa e chickies are super cute! and not as smelly as i expected too..
bought their chick feed for them from qn vic mkt today, finally. the chickies were mad w delight.
e chicks are sleeping in e kitchen tonight. i hope they dont freeze.
and went shopping w steph again! tlp needs finantial control. shopped @ mel central today, st kildas & DFO yesterday.
awfully sleepy. and grouchy. and grumpy. and gloomy. and tired. hate pms. good night.
if only this 忘情水 thing really existed.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

hols are here!

yep.. e hols are here at last...

since e last post,
tlp has been baptised in e cold cold cold waters of st kilda's beach
tlp survived late nights starting and rushing out reports the nights before they're due
tlp tikamed her way through the one and only exam paper of 50 mcqs
tlp has been recklessly spending $$
tlp has been forced to learn to cook lunches
tlp has 3 pet chicks - Friday, Starburst & Vea (tlp had four, but baby Raeka went to chicky heaven after 2 nights)
tlp went strawberry picking w jon, jace & steph
tlp had a free dinner @ crown casino (courtesy of steph's membership rewards)
tlp was initiated into e world of gambling in a casino (once again courtesy of steph and jace)

now tlp has nothing to do... no plans for e hols whatsoever! arhhhh how sad is that?
Pictures!
Jon & tlp @ some lake thingy somewhere between shepparton & melbourne
Jace & Steph opposite e abovementioned lake thingy with a water tank (?) in e background. mr tan is fasinated by e green growth on e tower and how long it'll take for e entire thing to turn green. mmmmm.....

and this pickup... notice e interesting liscence plate!
and introducing 3 furry warm balls of fluff!
here's Starburst - e penguinsh. Starburst is the tinest, and rather jittery.. He or she is always getting pushed ard.. he likes to fall asleep on my palm though.. cute little fella.. He has an awfully colourful beak! it's striped
next up, the fat, greedy, NOISY, demanding, attention seeking, manja yellow bully, Vea! Vea means leader. this little one is really trying hard to learn how to fly, and starting to succeed too! Vea is a good little percher.
hehe one childhood dream finally fulfilled - to have a bird perch on my finger :)


and finally, Friday. like his name, friday is e slackest, most relaxed of e three. his chest is actually greyish, not whitish. i like e little white stripe/comb just above his beak. friday also makes e least noise. he likes to stuff his head under e others to keep warm though.. friday and starburst are very quiet when they're alone tog.. chaos only reigns when vea starts disturbing them.

ahhh.... 3 fat furry butts!

and the strawberries i picked! cute LITTLE ones.. hehe