chickens have an average lifespan of over 12 years.

12 years.

my little ones are not even 8 months old. they havent even lived out 10% of their noisy little lives. and it's all my freaking fault. i make one shitass owner. I shouldn't have encouraged jace in getting the chickens. i shouldnt have assumed that the farms would be willing to take them in. i should have tried to make them friendlier, less peckish. 3 roosters. even chicken loving people think roosters should just be eaten. just like that.

yes, they may just be chickens. insignificant, noisy, stupid chickens. but still. they have brains, however small, and hearts, which beat, which pumps their lifeforce through their fluffy little bodies.

this just feels so shitty. i know most people probably cannot understand what all the fuss is about. is it that incredulous to be crying over chickens? are they not living breathing creations of God? they do have characters, as chicks they provided comfort and a safe outlet of expression when i needed to talk to something that would listen and not judge.

whatever it is, these 3 little ones dont have much time left, i suppose. unless by some miracle, somebody decides to adopt them. is there a heaven for animals? sometimes it's really so much easier to work with animals, to relate to animals. Dear God, please look after these 3 chickens, wherever they go. I know You have a heart for all your created beings, even the tiniest worm, and whatever it is, i admit my fault in this, but please please please just watch over them. and i thank you for my extremely tolerant neighbours. please also watch over dear angel-dog lord. and my family.

run dear vea, nestle dear gentle starburst and crow my fat friday. i'm sorry for being such a shitasss human. forgive me?

back from sunny gold coast.

.

unfortunately, mood is not at all sunny.

why is it that it's always so easy to point out what's wrong in others, in plans, in everything?

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humans can be really pretty awful at times.

not targeting anyone in particular, just another random observation

or maybe it's just me

crappy grumpy irritable pmsy me

THEY AGREED!!

they agreed they agreed they agreed they agreeeeeedddddd!!

THEY AGREED TO LET ME STAY!

oh thank you dear Lord! and thank you dear parents!

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Bee was right. i should not even have thought about compromising His plans for me, thank you that she managed to drill some sense into me. thank you for the people you've put in my life lord, bee, logan, mx, anthony, each and every one who's ever encouraged me to stay strong and focused, to try my best, for mx's testimony and logan's points, for bee's persistance and everyone's prayers, for ah kim's calmness, and for the softening of the parents' hearts.

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thank you thank you thank you. for everything. and everyone.

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now please help me through this assignment.. and thank you lord for the time spent with dear joycelyn again today @ dracula's restaurant. thank you for narnia. thank you for me. and thank you for YOU lord.

God is good... really really good.. please work Your miracles here Lord, thank You for all You've done..

sometimes i wonder if i was created for the sole purpose of testing people's patience and tolerance levels.

and sometimes it feels so downright horrible when a friend is going through something terrible, and you feel so helpless because all you can't do anything practical that'll be of help. even when you've gone through the situtaion before. even when you know exactly how the friend is feeling and thinking.

when the friend is overcome with sadness

when the friend is not able to think straight

when it's so hard to make the friend see past the problem and into the future

when you really dont know what to tell the friend because you dont know how you managed to cope in the end

when you just dont understand how one friend can treat another that way, when you realise you dont understand humanity at all

when you want so much to share God's goodness and faithfulness to them, if only they were willing to listen, but are so afraid to even bring up the topic

when self pity takes over and engulfs the friend

when you so want to talk sense into the friend but just cant get through

when you really hate what's happening but cant do anything about it at all

when you've been praying for the best, and things still end up wrong

what is wrong anyway? what's right? what's good and what's bad? why does it take such hard situations for us to grow? why am i still even asking this question?

sometimes we get so overwhelmed that we can never see past the situation, but one day we'll always be able to look back and smile, if not laugh, at how things worked out in the end.

and can we do anything other than that? cos we'll never know the alternative routes that our lives could have taken anyway.

i think i'm blabbering here. but this friend's problems just reminded me of my own, not so long ago.

there really are alot of broken hearts out there.

this world needs plenty of prayer.

and faith

and courage

and grace

and

God

This is baby Rhema.

Was carrying little Rhema in this cafe @ RMIT yesterday, after JG meeting, waiting for e rest while they were practising p&w. i was trying to make Rhema sleep, so had to carry her away from her mummy (cos she'd cry and want her mummy if mummy was in sight), anyway so i was reading the notices on this pillar when this old indian man (the fair ones - north indian?) walked right up to us shyly (you know, like when ppl walk up to puppies). so me being nice and all, i gave him a nice smile. from his dressing and all he looked kinda poor, and fragile cos he was tall and skinny, with white hair.

he then offered me a dried preserved apricot (/plum? - the oval ones, and it was orange) to give to rhema, but i said she couldnt eat it, so he offered it to me instead. well obviously i refused, but he insisted, so i just took it and held it in my hands. then this old man smiled and walked back to his seat.

as he was still around, i continued holding on the the apricot, then found myself a spot to sit behind a pillar. my initial reaction was, sadly, suspicion, and i was wondering if the apricot was poisoned/drugged, cos you never know what might have been done. but i felt bad about throwing it away, because it might have been a purely good-hearted gesture after all.

after rhema had fallen asleep, i took a closer look at the apricot. it had bits of fluff on it. then it struck me that it might have been sitting in a pocket for some time, which may sound disgusting, but it made me think. this poor old man might have been saving it up (which is not as ridiculous as it sounds, cos there really are alot of homeless people in melbourne) and couldn't bear to eat it. his offering it could have been his way of wanting to bless others. and here i was, treating his treasure so ungratefully.

and it's so sad cos we never know who we can or cannot trust anymore these days, and it's become so natural to treat all things with suspicion and mistrust, wondering what's in it for me and you, instead of just accepting things with a smile inside and outside. so anyway i didnt eat the little apricot, cos i dont really like preserved fruits much, but that little orange fruit ended up sweetening my day anyway.