dearest blog,
there is a saying that goes.. " it's better to forget and be happy, than to remember and be sad."

when u remember the past u may feel remember the anger or the happier times before the anger. but i do believe u never felt the sadness. or the pain. cos when u left u were already with someone else. whom you could share ur feelings with. and whom u WANTED to be with. it was something u wanted. and u moved on to happier times. and since u're happily in ur happy life now, y keep travelling back to the past?
have u ever thought about how i had to manage? do u know who was there to share my inner most feelings and pain? NO. you do not. so please please stop preaching about how u wanna help etc etc. can a broken mirror ever be fixed? can a broken heart ever be truly fixed? can u even TRY to understand how u would feel if SHE now tells u she's fallen for someone else and that if she never tells him her feelings she'll regret it her whole life? and that is WHILE she is STILL WITH YOU. using u like a freaking spare tire? one day :"i've given up on him, i'll try to stay with you." 2 days later:"it's no use we'll never work out". then a few days later it's back to i'm sorry lets be friends. do u klow what kind of emotional hell that is?
hearing the other guy telling his frens about presents she's given him, not knowing that you're just there.

do you NOT UNDERSTAND that while i was alone you had already found another person to share your hurt with? to focus on and to help you along? friends are friends but there's a reason why a significant other/ better half etc is thus named! i do not deny that they were the ones who helped me up and were constantly there at the expense of their own time, but ultimately deep deep deep down inside i was ALONE.

yes so i did betray your secrets. did u not tell stories about me too? about how much u'd suffered in my possessive hands? a human will always be human. what did u expect me to do? i am no saint. and if u could have totally ignored my feelings then, why are u suddenly bothering now?

u have changed. precisely beacuse u do not feel the same way anymore. dont u understand??

yes life is good for u now. tt doesnt mean u have to make everybody else's life good too. u dont have to feel sorry or guilty or whatever. cos what's been done's already done.

it's not like i'm freakingly miserable now. no matter what happens life goes on and either u move on with it, or u stay trapped in the past. and the past is not something i ever wanna revisit again. i have moved on. the pain does still exist, and i do not know if it'll ever fade, but it is not affecting my daily life. the mind is a great thing, and bad memories can get subconsciously frozen somewhere in the labyrinth of memories.

another quote that xinrong once quoted: "what they cant feel, they cannot understand."

-liping-