what tlp did today =)

ok... bad mood from previous posts appears to have lifted.. or at least, it's under better control.. hehe joy!

managed to get quite a bit done today...
hehe went for lessons, and managed to pay attention to one of the presentations (which was cos i had to give feedback for e grp.. muahaha but still.. paying attention is paying attention!)

then went to e city, and tried out e food @ melbourne's "singapore chomp chomp". had nasi lemak, suet and mx had chicken rice (different types though). food was relatively good.. and e chicken rice chilli was at least decent stuff.. hehe waaayyy better than e last time suet tried chicken rice here.. although it really cant compare w e food back home, at least it broought some semblance of familiar food! =) hehe tried looking out for fellow singaporeans there, but was sadly disappointed. think there were only 2 other tables of sgish looking people.

aft tt, we went to collect my work permit. shall attempt to work during e hols! should be interesting.. hehe

then........... i went for a haircut! 43 friggin dollars! ahha was super worried at first abt whether it would be a disaster... but it went quite well! goodbye split ends! it was really satisfying (and kinda sadistic) to see all e dry ends being chopped off! the more she cut e happier i got! and then i remembered how i used to cry my head off when my mum used to force me to get my hair cut when i was a little girl.. ahhh e irony..

ahha yea... happy. :)

then... shopping! good stuff. shopping shopping shopping...

shopped for clothes, shopped for groceries.

got home, tidied up me room, arranged stuff on e (not so) new shelf, arranged all e earrings and books and notes and food, tidied up ALL e drawers and bags on e floor, then vacumned e room and sucked up all e spider webs on e wall.. spiders sure know how to keep themselves busy! room is FINALLY tidy... this is how it looked like a few days ago, while preparing the public health report:

and this was already after the newspapers had been arranged (sort of).. they are lying in their different themes... before that.. well, you can imagine!

deja vu: tlp while studing for e exams in march? april? may? oh gosh... seems like an entire lifetime ago! e skinny arm there belongs to TCK, brother of TLP

my head hurts, i miss home, and i feel like the greatest idiot in the world.

miss e beach. miss the waves. miss the sand. miss my dog.

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep;

And if I die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

e lecture today was on death, dying, and grief today. and here is what tlp actually paid attention to:

Death reminds you that everyday could be the last day of your life.
"You learn to live by contemplating death"
And it's true, things can change so quickly, you never know what, how and when things may happen.

It's scary, the thought (however low the risk may be) that you may not be around the next morning, to leave so many things unsaid and undone. I guess what the tutor said really prompted me to stop worrying so much, and to start treasuring the time, things and people i have now, however cliche it may sound.

maybe forevers are not so important after all. it is the here and the now that we are living in after all yea? each living, breathing moment, being alive, being loved, being able to breathe, being able to spend time with loved ones, even just thinking about them, knowing that somewhere out there, someone is thinking about you at this exact moment, it's enough.

and the last point that struck me from the lecture was that when you lose one person, it's not just the loss of that one person. you also lose a part of yourself, a part of your future, a part of your dreams, shared places, support, care, plans and so so so many other factors. gosh.

and yet, death is not something we are supposed to fear, instead, it's something we are supposed to look forward to, eternal life in heaven.. ahhhh there are times when i feel i'm really ready to die if i'm supposed to, and yet there are times when i really really fear leaving so many things behind. this human fear of mortality... it's so... hard to sort out...

actually had alot more to say, but lost my train of thoughts. this entry sounds so.... not me... but then... what would you expect after a lecture on such a serious topic? and anyway i think i've only served to confuse myself. hai. oh well... it's a good reminder to treasure what we have NOW, so here goes.......

Dear father and mother and brother and grandma and angel and tigger and joycelyn and yy and ailing and hk and emelia and june and everybody who's touched my life in one way or another, though you may never ever see this, please know that i love you, though it's often been left unspoken. *hugx!*

and yet i still feel like running away from some things...

humans were made with too great a capacity for contradictory feelings! sigh.

never and forever... more randomness

..Never..say I love you if you really don't care..

..Never..talk about feelings if they aren't really there..

..Never..hold my hand if you are going to break my heart..

..Never..say you are going to if you don't plan to start..

..Never..look into my eyes if all you have to say are lies..

..Never..say hello if you really mean goodbye..

..If you really mean forever then say you will try..

..Never..say forever cause forever makes me cry..

...

this poemy thingy has stuck with me for 7 years... i dunno why but it really strikes something in me, then and now. esp the lines: never look into my eyes if all you have to say are lies & never say hello if you really mean goodbye. as humans we do that very often dont we?

...

does forever exist anymore?

Forever.Eternal.Ceaseless.Everlasting.Endless.Undying.

Enduring.Timeless.Unending.Unrelenting.Infinite.Interminable.

永恒的爱、永恒的友谊、不离不弃、肩并肩走着,直到最后一刻

words describing forever are so pretty.

do people expect forevers anymore? is it enough to live each day as it comes?

we'll never know if forever has come til we have lived to forever won't we?

...

tortoises, snails, and hermit crabs sure are lucky creatures.

feeling perfectly awful

who knows where this road will lead?

maybe i should never have come at all. tired.