Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep;

And if I die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

e lecture today was on death, dying, and grief today. and here is what tlp actually paid attention to:

Death reminds you that everyday could be the last day of your life.
"You learn to live by contemplating death"
And it's true, things can change so quickly, you never know what, how and when things may happen.

It's scary, the thought (however low the risk may be) that you may not be around the next morning, to leave so many things unsaid and undone. I guess what the tutor said really prompted me to stop worrying so much, and to start treasuring the time, things and people i have now, however cliche it may sound.

maybe forevers are not so important after all. it is the here and the now that we are living in after all yea? each living, breathing moment, being alive, being loved, being able to breathe, being able to spend time with loved ones, even just thinking about them, knowing that somewhere out there, someone is thinking about you at this exact moment, it's enough.

and the last point that struck me from the lecture was that when you lose one person, it's not just the loss of that one person. you also lose a part of yourself, a part of your future, a part of your dreams, shared places, support, care, plans and so so so many other factors. gosh.

and yet, death is not something we are supposed to fear, instead, it's something we are supposed to look forward to, eternal life in heaven.. ahhhh there are times when i feel i'm really ready to die if i'm supposed to, and yet there are times when i really really fear leaving so many things behind. this human fear of mortality... it's so... hard to sort out...

actually had alot more to say, but lost my train of thoughts. this entry sounds so.... not me... but then... what would you expect after a lecture on such a serious topic? and anyway i think i've only served to confuse myself. hai. oh well... it's a good reminder to treasure what we have NOW, so here goes.......

Dear father and mother and brother and grandma and angel and tigger and joycelyn and yy and ailing and hk and emelia and june and everybody who's touched my life in one way or another, though you may never ever see this, please know that i love you, though it's often been left unspoken. *hugx!*

and yet i still feel like running away from some things...

humans were made with too great a capacity for contradictory feelings! sigh.