is there?

is there anyone in the world who will love me unconditionally, however imperfect i am,

whatever, whererever, whenever, however, forever.

humans were just not created to be contented beings....?

完完全全的爱着不完美的我

a new chapter?

has a new chapter begun? is it just begining? or have i just totally screwed up everything again?

i'm in this state where i'm stuck between moving forwards and moving back. since nothing's settled yet, and i do have a flight booked back in sep.. sometimes i really feel like i should just go back after all. run away. close the door. never ever know.

the chickens were sent to their deaths on monday. i'm sorry, i really really am.. friends have and friends are going back. at the same time, close friends are leaving singapore. the group's shrunk so much. even my mentor may be leaving, without a word. have i made the most of what i was given? do i even want to take that step forward? what's left here? what's left there? can life ever be as it was before?

there's doubt and there's unbelief. hanging nowhere is tiring.

in the midst of packing up. so much has happened, so much has changed. how much more will things change in this coming year? will i look back again with tears or smiles?

it's possible for someone to drown and fly at the same time. which sucks.

chickens have an average lifespan of over 12 years.

12 years.

my little ones are not even 8 months old. they havent even lived out 10% of their noisy little lives. and it's all my freaking fault. i make one shitass owner. I shouldn't have encouraged jace in getting the chickens. i shouldnt have assumed that the farms would be willing to take them in. i should have tried to make them friendlier, less peckish. 3 roosters. even chicken loving people think roosters should just be eaten. just like that.

yes, they may just be chickens. insignificant, noisy, stupid chickens. but still. they have brains, however small, and hearts, which beat, which pumps their lifeforce through their fluffy little bodies.

this just feels so shitty. i know most people probably cannot understand what all the fuss is about. is it that incredulous to be crying over chickens? are they not living breathing creations of God? they do have characters, as chicks they provided comfort and a safe outlet of expression when i needed to talk to something that would listen and not judge.

whatever it is, these 3 little ones dont have much time left, i suppose. unless by some miracle, somebody decides to adopt them. is there a heaven for animals? sometimes it's really so much easier to work with animals, to relate to animals. Dear God, please look after these 3 chickens, wherever they go. I know You have a heart for all your created beings, even the tiniest worm, and whatever it is, i admit my fault in this, but please please please just watch over them. and i thank you for my extremely tolerant neighbours. please also watch over dear angel-dog lord. and my family.

run dear vea, nestle dear gentle starburst and crow my fat friday. i'm sorry for being such a shitasss human. forgive me?

back from sunny gold coast.

.

unfortunately, mood is not at all sunny.

why is it that it's always so easy to point out what's wrong in others, in plans, in everything?

.

humans can be really pretty awful at times.

not targeting anyone in particular, just another random observation

or maybe it's just me

crappy grumpy irritable pmsy me

THEY AGREED!!

they agreed they agreed they agreed they agreeeeeedddddd!!

THEY AGREED TO LET ME STAY!

oh thank you dear Lord! and thank you dear parents!

.

Bee was right. i should not even have thought about compromising His plans for me, thank you that she managed to drill some sense into me. thank you for the people you've put in my life lord, bee, logan, mx, anthony, each and every one who's ever encouraged me to stay strong and focused, to try my best, for mx's testimony and logan's points, for bee's persistance and everyone's prayers, for ah kim's calmness, and for the softening of the parents' hearts.

.

thank you thank you thank you. for everything. and everyone.

.

now please help me through this assignment.. and thank you lord for the time spent with dear joycelyn again today @ dracula's restaurant. thank you for narnia. thank you for me. and thank you for YOU lord.

God is good... really really good.. please work Your miracles here Lord, thank You for all You've done..

sometimes i wonder if i was created for the sole purpose of testing people's patience and tolerance levels.

and sometimes it feels so downright horrible when a friend is going through something terrible, and you feel so helpless because all you can't do anything practical that'll be of help. even when you've gone through the situtaion before. even when you know exactly how the friend is feeling and thinking.

when the friend is overcome with sadness

when the friend is not able to think straight

when it's so hard to make the friend see past the problem and into the future

when you really dont know what to tell the friend because you dont know how you managed to cope in the end

when you just dont understand how one friend can treat another that way, when you realise you dont understand humanity at all

when you want so much to share God's goodness and faithfulness to them, if only they were willing to listen, but are so afraid to even bring up the topic

when self pity takes over and engulfs the friend

when you so want to talk sense into the friend but just cant get through

when you really hate what's happening but cant do anything about it at all

when you've been praying for the best, and things still end up wrong

what is wrong anyway? what's right? what's good and what's bad? why does it take such hard situations for us to grow? why am i still even asking this question?

sometimes we get so overwhelmed that we can never see past the situation, but one day we'll always be able to look back and smile, if not laugh, at how things worked out in the end.

and can we do anything other than that? cos we'll never know the alternative routes that our lives could have taken anyway.

i think i'm blabbering here. but this friend's problems just reminded me of my own, not so long ago.

there really are alot of broken hearts out there.

this world needs plenty of prayer.

and faith

and courage

and grace

and

God

This is baby Rhema.

Was carrying little Rhema in this cafe @ RMIT yesterday, after JG meeting, waiting for e rest while they were practising p&w. i was trying to make Rhema sleep, so had to carry her away from her mummy (cos she'd cry and want her mummy if mummy was in sight), anyway so i was reading the notices on this pillar when this old indian man (the fair ones - north indian?) walked right up to us shyly (you know, like when ppl walk up to puppies). so me being nice and all, i gave him a nice smile. from his dressing and all he looked kinda poor, and fragile cos he was tall and skinny, with white hair.

he then offered me a dried preserved apricot (/plum? - the oval ones, and it was orange) to give to rhema, but i said she couldnt eat it, so he offered it to me instead. well obviously i refused, but he insisted, so i just took it and held it in my hands. then this old man smiled and walked back to his seat.

as he was still around, i continued holding on the the apricot, then found myself a spot to sit behind a pillar. my initial reaction was, sadly, suspicion, and i was wondering if the apricot was poisoned/drugged, cos you never know what might have been done. but i felt bad about throwing it away, because it might have been a purely good-hearted gesture after all.

after rhema had fallen asleep, i took a closer look at the apricot. it had bits of fluff on it. then it struck me that it might have been sitting in a pocket for some time, which may sound disgusting, but it made me think. this poor old man might have been saving it up (which is not as ridiculous as it sounds, cos there really are alot of homeless people in melbourne) and couldn't bear to eat it. his offering it could have been his way of wanting to bless others. and here i was, treating his treasure so ungratefully.

and it's so sad cos we never know who we can or cannot trust anymore these days, and it's become so natural to treat all things with suspicion and mistrust, wondering what's in it for me and you, instead of just accepting things with a smile inside and outside. so anyway i didnt eat the little apricot, cos i dont really like preserved fruits much, but that little orange fruit ended up sweetening my day anyway.

This is pretty accurate

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine."

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

so now you know.

tlp is not yet dead

yep nope i'm not dead yet, just about to drown in meaningless statistics which i have no idea how to use and interpret and translate and comment on.



man, it's been 3 months.. ahha wanted to blog abt different events, but never got down to it! hmm terrible terrible.



i miss my puppy.

and lesson of the day: never apply sunscreen on your feet if you're going for the grand prix in melbourne. all it does is help you magnatise dirt onto any exposed part of ur lower limb. eeks.

the moomba fireworks were so pretty!

mr green got to travel up to portarlington for the church retreat/advance. the lucky crocodile. and tlp got to drive logan's car after much persuasion w mx's help. hehe

oh and it's good to be able to play on a keyboard again.. never imagined restarting after all this while, but it really feels good. hehe banging away can really help to relieve stress/moodiness. good stuff. plus it comes with earphones, so the housemates are not disturbed. lalala. and it's a form of serving God too, so thank You for this chance Daddy.

have not been having lessons for nearly one month. only go to school for caregrp and evax and to meet fyp tutor la. gosh. and like maybe 1 lesson a week if there's any at all. BUT don't worry, they did decide to load us with homework.

the backyard's in a mess, and our darn pipe got choked up. gross. the landlord finally decided to call a plumber in today. yipee.

went clubbing for the 2nd time in nearly one year, then attended my first church wedding ever. tlp does not survive well on 2 hours of sleep. nearly fell asleep while playing e keyboard @ p&w practice, standing. tsk tsk.

dinner at this jap restaurent for jayna's bday yesterday, then went for coffee. yummy yummy coffee...

tlp likes the song el shaddai. tlp shall play it all day long. tlp misses her puppy.

p.s: two of the chickens are ROOSTERS. time-challenged kooku roosters who crow at all hours of the day, and they really peck damn hard when they're hungry. perhaps there's where the term "peckish" came from. the chickens are really cute when they're snuggling and nestling in the sand though.

gosh i hate hate hate hate hateeeee critiquing articles! ahh i miss my puppy!

one month in sg... summarised!

gosh... time really flies! one month has come and gone and tlp is back in melbourne.
had a good time in sg, it was good to get away from the heat and the flies and distractions.

and it was a good month of reunions! met up with pri school classmates, sec school gang, jc classmates, and was supposed to meet the poly ppl (but i was too lazy to crawl out of bed). and tlp spent alot of $$ shopping and her hair. gosh.. hehe pics...

at the airport, saying good bye, with suet and elisa. elisa's coming over in july..
bro, mum

papa and mama and red lanterns for cny

the last cup of kopi i had before flying back my familyyyyy
and the last piece of toast i had.. hehe i chomped off a corner before remembering to take a photo.

half the paternal side of the family at wu gu gu's house. people seemed happier this year.. hehe collected alot more this year for some unknown reason.

with the brother

this new year we lao-ed yusheng 4 times in 6 days! hehe should have super good luck this year then. but a rat in the rat year = BAD. oh well.

and my little baby godsister! she is so cute! she laughs ALOT and hardly cries.. super babie :)
hehe MY OWN little baby... angeldog in overalls. look at her sulky face...
i wonder what angel the dog thought when i just came back. when i picked her up she was trembling like mad... prob thinking her owner came back from the dead! she was back to her normal naughty self damn quickly though. i miss my little pups already!

the chickens have grown taller. they're not much fatter though. and they're lots quieter.. let them out for a short run today. they werent allowed out of the cage last week cos the neighbours took down the fence, and they didnt want the chickens to run into the neighbours yard. they're supposed to fix the fence this weekend says our landlord.

decided to try my luck and let the chickens out to stretch their legs. and suet was ard to help in operation return chickens if they decided to run off. i think they had fun.

ok ok back to sg... nyjc mini-reunion @ chompchomp! the actual chomp chomp.. the chomp chomp with cheap good food. ahhha this dinner started out with mich, xr, and me, then i decided to ask jason, and mich asked pele, who called jeremy and tat huang along so we ended up having a mini-reunion.

and my chicken caesar wrap @ Hog's breath, which looks alot better than it tastes. this was our pri school reunion.
The people... robin, me, louis, qiu jin, huizuan, junyao, alan, alfie/peter/weisheng, jamie, serene, and zhihao. after dinner we went for drinks @ tango, and mr bronson chong decided to join us.
met up w mr chong quite a few times too - he stays like one street away. feels good to be able to sit out and chat til 4am again and not have to worry abt transport / safety.

and met the girls MANY times this month.. hehe this is us at breeks, with the humongous cup of desert. it does look ALOT better than it tastes though.

the huge cup
and tlp then we decided to eat it. and discovered that the entire white layer is whipped cream. eeks.

hehe and e girls at marina square, shopping for my bday present. hehe their present system has changed. i was like "where's my present?" and yy said: "you're supposed to pick something that you like, then we pay for u", and tlp: "surprise surprise~". then ailing said it's more practical, and makes ppl happier. ahhha good system la..

tlp and kyy

tlp and shuqiu the lawyer-to-be
tlp and hk the air-stewdardess-to-be. hehe so cool... from what hk described, the interview process sounded like a freaking beauty competition selection la.. ahhha but she says all the extraodinarily pretty ones were kicked out.

the air steward serving my aisle on the flight back was damn good looking though. and v gentle. hehe i couldnt sleep on the flight back at all! was rolling ard throughout the flight, and so was e guy next to me. man.. and they refused to turn on the aircon or something.

and then... tlp with inthu!

and again... during the bday dinner celbration with steph, @ surf and turf @ suntec.. hehe the waitresses were singing the bday song, and they decided to sing it twice, cos there were 2 bdays. we got a free bday brownie w icecream each too.

and here's what tlp bought in the first 2 weeks: hair kiaps, hairbands being modelled by mr happy harry number 1 (the kiwi we bought from nz when i was 11.. hehe shows my toy naming skills then man... we had a happy harry junior number 2 - a smaller kiwi for my brother), peach hair perfume (which has glitter in it too), eyelash essense, nailpolish, mascaras - plenty, eyeliners - plenty, and lipstick, lipgloss, and a palette of lipstick. bought quite alot more later on too.. hehe but was too lazy to dig everything out again to take another photo. the shoes/footware i bought, and angel the dog decided that she wanted to be in the photo too. she padded out of my room and plonked herself down.
and the toys i made for my mum's lucky draw at work for e kids she works with. i think working with yarn and a hook is much easier than working with felt and needles. i kinda like the yellow elephant though. :) and i love the mice! esp the white one,. hehe it has got pink cheeks - blusher.
and lastly, my bday presents! psp from parents, purple bag the "surprise" i had to choose, bottle of fortune telling sticks, body lotion, watch and lipgloss from steph and jace, knitted bags books from caregrp, and forever friends bear from simon :)

ahha and the bag i made from the book:

one month in sg... summarised - done at last! will update this post when i remember more details.. hehe good night!

food food food... ahha in e past month or so, we've only had 2 homecooked dinners, plus one packed picnic lunch. here's some of tlp's meals so far.. some indian curry rice thingy, tomato and basil soup, viet grilled chicken noodles, tomyam soup, giant hazelnut chockie from max brenner, mapo tofu, maxicana pizza from lygon, hainan chicken rice and glutinous rice and yam cake from boxhill. :) bought 10 boxes of macadamia chocolates from boxhill for e aunties (only enuff for one side though), and now mum tells me she wants more.. hoho it's madness. and i dont think e chocolates will do too well in this weather either. had to get e chiller bag from safeway in hope that it'll help e chocolates stay slightly cooler.. shall just check e whole thing in..

oh well.. july is good weather for buying chocolates, and hopefully parents will come down to help lug stuff home.. hehehe

went to qn vic mkt on fri to get souveniors for family, and got these. hehe e roo is for dad, koala for mum, wombat for brother, and platypus for me! actually wanted to get black for e guys, and white for e females, but the white ones didnt stand out as well, so black it shall be. hope all e sizes fit though!

and more tshirts for me, me, and e 2 godbrothers. t croc one and e white roo ones are mine, e other 2 are for e boys. again, hope e sizes are right... really cant tell/remember how big they are.. or how much they've grown. *crosses fingers*.. tlp really likes e croc one.... they're so cute!
hehe and more souveniors... anthony and simon were not too impressed w e pegs when suet showed them hers. they were like "ah... pegs..." when she pulled hers out of e bag, then she said something, and they were like "ah... novelty pegs..." very enthusiastic people.. hehehe e koala has suckers on its paw.. to stare out of dad's car at e driver behind.. hehe and to taunt Angel-dog! mr gonzales says e koala looks like stitch. equally big eyes and nose.. and it's only $2!

e ladybugs are sooo cute! hehe and they're like 1.50 each, which is rather frigging cheap, for russ toys. bought them from e lollyshop in lygon. i want more! tlp wants a whole army of ladybugs..

and the bug like thingy beside e koala is for my never-seen-before baby godsister, who was born in september i think. it's attached to a spring so it goes *bionk boink boink*. think angel-dog will like it too..

and then, at this engraving shop, 4 of us spent like 70$ altogether. tlp made a tag for angel dog, and a keychain for tlp. hehe i love angel's tag.. it was e first piece made, of the 6 items we engraved. e guy's writing is really good stuff! tlp requested a pawprint on her keychain too :)

tlp arrived in melbourne with one stitch.

this is how large e family has grown. introducing Rat, Mr Green, e LoverBugs, Penguin-without-a-name, and Koala-without-a-name.

we went to ikea after the boxhill trip yesterday, and tlp was so tempted to get another 2! hedgehogs/porcupines. they came in one set, one huge, and one teeny one, and they're SUPER SOFT and cuddly! but then, there's no more space on the bed, and as it is, Stitch and Rat sleep under e pillow already.

so after resisting the porcupines, tlp saw mini Mr Green, and wanted to get it. ahha managed to resist too after taking some pics of it.. hehe should get it in sg instead..


yumcha @ the sharksfin something in chinatown on fri, after queen vic, before mel central, and enchanted. they sure price some of their stuff damn wierdly.. glutinous rice which tastes like heh-bi is super deluxe, and so was one plate of veggies. 6 pairs of eyes nearly popped out when e waitress ticked super deluxe for one plate of boiled veggies.

tlp tried chicken feet for e first time.

e desserts were good stuff though! the mango pudding..... YUMMMMMMY! they liked e green tea pudding too..

watched enchanted on fri @ mel central w e girls, mr gonzales, mr wu, and mr hardy. e show did not live up to our expectations! prob cos of all e hype generated by friends, our expectations were raised UPPPPP... ahha all e hooha.. e show was rather corny! hehe but it was nice in it's own disney way la.. tot they could have used a younger, prettier actress though.

aft dinner e 10 of us met maggie in preston for dinner, and got our own little room. and danny explained the significance of the seating arrangements according to their china chinese customs. apparently the highest ranking person sits facing the door, on his left should be his wife, and 2 seats from his left sits the person lowest in rank, who's supposed to foot e bill for e table.

and just for fun, photos taken on new year's eve, while waiting for the fireworks.

and before docklands, dinner at king's cafe..

service today was at preston library, then we had dinner at preston. tlp went shopping alone in e morning, which is very damaging to e bank account. goshhhhhhy gosh~ but then, it'll prob be e last shopping trip before tlp returns home. lalalaaa

this summer weather is really like a roller coaster of hots and colds..

tlp still has not packed! man! she only has 3 days left, of which 2 are gone, cos one day's sheperding and watching movie, another's caregrp day. which effectively leaves only tomorrow. die die die die die. have to wash clothes too. arhhhhhhhhhh denial! tlp needs help! where to start? how to start? GAH. hate packing.

and this is prob e last of the picture-filled posts. *phew*. for a hol which started looking bleakish and empty, it's turned out quite fun, and definately memorable :)

penguin island photo madness

yep yep yep... photo madness it is! ahhha this philip island post is 2 weeks overdue.. it was a trip full of animals - at the wildlife reserve, at e winery, at e nobbies rocks, and at e actual penguin parade itself! animals make tlp happy :) therefore e ridiculous number of pics.. lalala

following shots taken from 2 different angles.. ahha e 2nd one was taken by papa.. and those llamas have super ticklish tongues.. they use their teeth too.. so it feels kinds threatening when they're eating off your hand.. e goat just goes lick lick lick though.. cute, but super greedy..



another photo taken from 2 angles.. papa managed to catch e finger in e middle of chasing flies away. it was a super hot day, and e flies were out in full force.. madness...

these little wallabees dont eat very much...

and there's a goose in the middle of the roos! hoho we had fun chasing 3 geese trying to take pics of them, and cornered them by surrounding them. the poor things looked so shocked and cornered.. and they split in 3 different directions, regrouped, and decided to go back into hiding under a tree. and e 8 of us were happily laughing at them. *evil grin*

and more feeding of wallabees... and again.. this one was being lied to.. hehe we'd run out of food, and decided to try our luck. the poor creature..
hehe and as mentioned, these wallabees eat super little, and they're quite flighty too. eat abit and scamper off. and so this is what happens when the wallabee you're trying to feed gets sick of you and decides to run away - you pretend to feed your friend.. :)

suet and me shared one container of food, and managed to feed abt 3 handfuls to e wallabees, who decided that they'd had enuff. the rest of e food went to e sheep and llamas and goat who were more than happy to help out.
the sign outside the toilet, with an accompanying stuffie..
the 2 lonely dingoes, who had nothing else to do, and it was a really hot day. and i thought dingoes were pack animals? there were only 2 in this enclosure though.
kissing roos! papa managed to take this pic.. so sweet....

and this guy here was our bus-driver-cum-tour-guide. and what is he handing out?

penguins! our free souveniors from the trip.. in case e penguins decided not to come in, we could create our own penguin parade, he said. blue skies, white fluffy clouds, and "plenty of sea". papa's qn to the photographer - any sea?

tlp is taller than everyone else - for once!

and that 2 rocks behind are e nobbies i think. dont know why they're named thus though.
e grass is super pretty... dotted with pink and yellow flowers..

this is what a baby seagull looks like.. eew...
the sign at the penguin parade place.. so cute!this dog lives....

here! what a lucky dog... the scenery is damn pretty.. e winery, where tlp spent more time playing with the dog than tasting wine,

e wines, all lined up.. nobody bought any though.. i think

belly rubs are good for humans and dogs.
and here's us, waiting for our dinner
PIZZA! mmmmm.... yummy~and to end off... another group shot!

~the end~