a new chapter?

has a new chapter begun? is it just begining? or have i just totally screwed up everything again?

i'm in this state where i'm stuck between moving forwards and moving back. since nothing's settled yet, and i do have a flight booked back in sep.. sometimes i really feel like i should just go back after all. run away. close the door. never ever know.

the chickens were sent to their deaths on monday. i'm sorry, i really really am.. friends have and friends are going back. at the same time, close friends are leaving singapore. the group's shrunk so much. even my mentor may be leaving, without a word. have i made the most of what i was given? do i even want to take that step forward? what's left here? what's left there? can life ever be as it was before?

there's doubt and there's unbelief. hanging nowhere is tiring.

in the midst of packing up. so much has happened, so much has changed. how much more will things change in this coming year? will i look back again with tears or smiles?

it's possible for someone to drown and fly at the same time. which sucks.