dear blog,
should i or should i NOT reply to him? half of me wants to and the other half is afraid to. i dun wanna make things even worse.. or end up digging up hurtful memories of the past.. i dun wanna change my impression of him and of us in the past..

and i know that the person i'm still missing is not the present him, but the him of the past. the unscheming faithful him who would really do anything for me. yes.. there was once a time when he was like that. though tt was really a loooong looooong long time ago.. so what good will it do to bring everything up again? he already has a partner.. and if i'm not wrong its the same person whom he dumped me for. so i still dont see what's the point!

it's so much easier to forgive... but it's kind of impossible to forget.. if it's just forgivness he want.. i've forgiven him long ago.. and i hope i've been forgiven too.. i know i wasn't a good gf.. but at least i never cheated on him in thoughts and in action.. the hatred's gone.. but the hurt hasnt. really.. and reading his messages just makes me think of what might have been..

i'm glad the sars thing broke out when it did. cos the extra month of holidays gave me another month to lock myself in my room and cry it all out.. 3months. it took me 3 months of crying every night.. and sometimes in class.. in places we used to frequent.. but the friends that i'd forgotten then didn't give up on me.. and i'm glad i had them.. everyday then was like a show i had to act out.. do u know? but then.. it doesnt matter anyway now.

i dont understand guys.. really i dont. when we were together he used to like yishun where she stayed. so what's the point of being more alert in yck now? i really really dont understand.. there's no point in bringing up the past again.

i'm just so afraid that meeting him.. or for that matter, any form of contact with him will just turn me into a freaking wreck once again. the situation between mich and her ex doesnt seem to be doing her any good.. even now he's still hurting her with his selfishness.. i'm just so afraid that i'll lose all resolve if i see him again... the him that exists in my dreams and memories is still the sweet and loving him.. so how can i face him now as a stranger?

love,
liping