dearest blog,
this OT course is turning me paranoid.. it's like before i joined this course, i never worried whether i'd suddenly turn into a schizo or develope OCD or some mental illness, or whether i'd get into an accident or get a stroke or heart attack or diabetes and an amputation or whether i'd give birth to a child with cerebral palsy or downs or autism.. nooo.. befor i joined e course i just happily assumed that life would be nice and rosy. it's like how many of us actually think about such things anyway?
well.. now i do.. and it can really freak a person out if u really dwell on it. its like u never know when something will happen and so many of these things cant really be predicted. and how many of us actually think about e ppl who get into road accidents and survive and what happens to them?
no, most of them do not happily spend a few days in hospital then come out and live their lives happily ever after with no changes to their former lives. an accident can really upsset ur whole entire life, not just urs, but everybody ard u too. and it's really very saddening how a whole healthy person can, in one second, transform into a disabled one for life. sigh.
i think if i really have to get involved in a serious acccident i'd rather die and make things easier for everyone including myself. e amt of emotional trauma and time and care giving involved is freaking enormous.. plus e $ required for treatment and rehab and equiptment and what not.. sigh
disabled ppl and their caregivers really really really do deserve our respect and admiration. yes. they do.

and p.s. i love my friends.. they didnt kill me like i thought they would! whoo hoo! *muacks!*
LiPing

Dearest blog,
another month has flew past.. it's already nearing the end of clinicals. 3 days to go.. just as well.. i am freaking tired and emotionally drained.. oh how i wish i could just sit down and knit forever and ever. theraupeutic stuff.. and i keep getting mysterious cuts out of nowhere on my hands.. which hurt like hell due to the unexpectedness when i have to use e alcohol sanitisers between seeing patients. one of e pts said talking to me is like talking to a 2 yr old.. now is tt a compliment or an insult eh?

sigh.. more killings and outbreaks and what new nonsense going on.. how much more shit can this earth actually take?

everybody's sick these days... my granny has an eye infection and my daddy's going for a cochlear implant in april. which is next month. gosh. it's a moderately major op, and his hearing is going to be forever changed.. apparently ppl with the implants hear in beeps and toots etc, which is nowhere near actual hearing.. but at least he'll be able to hear again. i hoep the op goes well.. and please please please may his hearing return again.. sigh. and e op is gg to cost 40k.. i think.. plus 2 years of rehabilitation.. meaning he has to relearn language again, translating the beeps into recognisable words. oh gosh gosh gosh.

and for some unknown reason, HE keeps popping into my head at the most unexpected moments recently..y y y? there's this particular line he once said that especially haunts me.. i have this feeling that if i dont ask her now i'll regret it for the rest of my life... is she really going to be "the rest of his life"? i really really really wish i'd stopped going back to kuo chuan to visit back then.. then nothing would even have started. no class outings, no sitting around bishan park, no waiting for e bus, no smsing, no insisting that he came down to bishan all the way from woodlands?, no sitting around the bubble tea shop, no making plans for the fair, nobody backing out of plans, no photocopying of notes, nothing nothing nothing..
it is wierd how much i wish and hope and believe that time can somehow turn back, like rewatching a drama serial on vcd. but then reality will just suddenly set in and we're back in Now again. well.. and i wonder how winston is now.. the close friends of those days.. where have they all disappeared to now? how do friendships just melt away with time and distance?

sometimes i also wonder if he has anything to do with JLTS. it's like the way they talk and sms seem so similar sometimes. anyway i'm glad JL has finally decided to save the $$ spent on his handphone bill and stop bugging me.. i am evil... evil and sentimental and irritable. what kind of wierd combi is that?

right.. i'm just in one of those down-and-out moments we all experience now and then.. sigh sigh sigh..

nobody loves me everybody hates me i'm gonna eat some worms. big fat slimy worms, small thin ?? worm. itsy bitsy yucky little worms.. i hope i got e last one and a half lines right.. partially forgotten liao..

and i miss e first 3 mths in NYjC.. and e orientation night.. and e "dancing".. and even the silly dance we had during the cca camp thing! aha e good ol days... =)

Love, e ever loving doggy-mummy of e princess AnGeL!

Before I Was A Dog Mom
Author Unknown
I made and ate hot meals unmolested.
I had unstained, unfired clothes.
I had quiet conversations on the phone, even if the doorbell rang.

Before I was a Dog Mom:
I slept as late as I wanted
And never worried about how late I got to bed
or if I could get into my bed.

Before I was a Dog Mom:
I cleaned my house every day.
I never tripped over toys, stuffies, chewies
Or invited the neighbor's dog over to play.

Before I was a Dog Mom:
I didn't worry if my plants, cleansers,
plastic bags, toilet paper,
soap or deodorant
were poisonous or dangerous.

Before I was a Dog Mom:
I never had been peed on
Pooped on Drooled on
Chewed on
Or pinched by puppy teeth.

Before I was a Dog Mom:
I had complete control of
My thoughts, My body and mind.
I slept all night without sharing the covers or pillow.

Before I was a Dog Mom:
I never looked into big, soulful eyes and cried.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew something so furry and four-legged could affect my heart so deeply.

Before I was a Dog Mom:
I had never held a sleeping puppy just because I couldn't put it down.
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was well.
I didn't know how warm it feels inside to feed a hungry puppy.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Dog Mom
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love,
the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being
A Dog Mom.