rebirth

I really wanna thank God for His divine plan, for bringing me all the way here to Melbourne, and for showing me the path to His light once again, for not giving up on me despite all my sins. It really is divine how everything has worked out, and i never would have thought that i would find so much peace in Him, least of all after coming all the way here..

I guess all my life I've never really committed my self into His hands, even though i was receptive to his word, and i didnt really have great faith in the miracles, and that a person could be so changed through him. i guess the reason for this change is also partly cos i get to start anew in a new place, on a clean slate, and that has helped immensely.

Although my walk has only just begun, He has blessed me in so many areas already, from the locating of a house to settling in nicely, and for such wonderful churchmates and care group members. I really really appreciate this bunch of people, some of whom really go all out to get to know us, to make us comfortable, and to help us settle in nicely, and for the extremely fresh and innocent feeling of brother and sister-hood with each other. it has been a really long time since i last felt so accepted by total strangers, and it's definately not on a very superficial level.

It has also been a great blessing that the churches here are going throught the 40 days of purpose program, and today is day 8! and it's like even though there's 32 more days, i can already feel that life is more focused on Him, and that i am finally able to leave alot of my negative thoughts and worries behind. In a way, this has helped me to set my course straight right from the start, so that i can believing and living purposefully from the start.

today is also a very special day, cos i had my holy spirit baptism today.. it really touched me to see so many people praying for me, including pastor Mark, and these are people who have only known me for a month, yet it feels like the fellowship we have is so sure, so real, so true. The gift of tongues was not given to me then though, and i felt quite stressed, and slightly guilty, like i was letting them all down, by not having enough faith. Yet they were very nice, and they each shared their experiences, and encouraged me to cont praying for this gift.

we had a nice sharing over dinner @ Docklands, then were sent back home. so upon reaching home, i started praying for the gift once again, yet i was still feeling quite skeptical, and unsure of myself. the Lord still didnt grant me my prayer, and there was a feeling of unpreparedness which came over me. i was directed to the bible, reading about the confession and forgivness of our sins, and of God's absolute love for us. so i tried to surrender everything to him, and buried feelings were dug up, feelings which i thought never existed, and which i hated myself then for not feeling. the tears just flowed and flowed, and i spent about an hour in prayer, confessing and meditating, tears just streaming down.it wasnt about lyz anymore, it was about something much greater and much worse, something which amounts to murder, and i really hated myself for being so nonchalent about it then. after calming down and reading the Word again i felt that this time i was finally ready, and really really concentrated on praying, and it was really really through faith that i was given this gift, together with a new bout of crying, which just came and went on for quite some time.

i guess this is God's way of cleansing my heart and my soul, and He was waiting for me to really prepare myself to accept His unconditional love, and i really wanna thank Him for this breakthrough, and that from now on i may grow to be a better person, one who will bring Him great pleasure.

and if you have ploughed through this entry from begining to end i really wanna thank you for taking the time and effort to do so. *hugx!*