in a very SHITTY mood.

what did i do today?

i cried on the bus. and all the way home. and sat in the grass. and looked at the flowers. and the bee and the spider and the dandelion. and cried somemore.

does God love me because of WHO I AM or who i am to become? if He created me to be me, why do they want me to PRETEND to be someone i am NOT? was i not created to live my life? yes, i want to grow to be like Christ. but that is a journey i make at my own time, growth through experience and His love, not by blindly obeying the values and beliefs you impose. that is not growth. that is pretending. hypocrisy. double standards. and i dont want to pretend to be happy, to pretend to make you happy for all it's worth. what is it worth anyway?

let me make this clear. i live my life for myself and God. my walk with Him is between myself and God. you can try to counsel, reubuke, whatever, but do not try to dictate. i know my limits. do you know yours? you may be disappointed in me. but do you know how disappointed i am in you too?

i miss sg, and my SN sisters, and their support and love and their balanced perspectives, being able to talk to them and share our views and not be judged, and i realised just how very much i miss Angel. my source of absolute, unpretentious, unconditional love. since when has it become wrong to love? since when has something between 2 people become the topic of an entire community? when it leads to sin? what thing on earth does NOT lead to sin in one way or another? will avoiding something totally prevent it from happening?

just. stop. it. and. leave. me. alone. PLEASE!

ROAR.

can i dictate all you do too? pretty please?

no? how does this sound then? : please, just leave me alone?

lunch in e sun

today, to avoid our daily fights w e bus driver, we walked up to this bustop, so that we will safely be in zone 2. suet and steph charged off, leaving mx and me in e house, so tlp went to catch up with them, cos mx said she'll catch up with us. so.... off charged tlp, and when she managed to catch up with e 2 Ses, cos suet's slippers broke! ahha luckily mx was still in e house, so she helped deliver another pair of shoes for suet e toot.

so while suet was waiting for her shoes, steph and tlp went on first.. walky walky walky all e way to e traffic light JUST opposite e bustop, only to see 2 buses zoom past.. ahh... "ok nvm" said e 2.. "we can wait for e other 2..." and so, we waited... and waited... along came a bus, and along came e other 2... "ahh this is good" thought tlp, "we wont be late after all!"... mx and suet arrived. bus drove nearer.... only to turn out to be "not in service". ah ok nvm.... patience is gooddddd right, so we waiteddd... and waitedddddd and waiteddddd somemore! there were a ridiculous number of "not in service" buses today... and there we waited for like almost 3o mins... until e bus finally came.. (it was awfully tempting to just walk home to cont sleeping!)

while waiting for e bus, a little backside appeared!

e frontside of e backside :)
this little birdy sure has a sharp beak! and he was happily chomping away on potato chips on e grass.. good breakfast!

and becos it was a nice bright sunny day, we finally had lunch in e sun! ppl in latrobe like to sit everywhere, esp on e lawns and grass patches, so we joined in e fun (and there wasnt space in e campus cafe anyway..) it felt quite good, eating our food in e bright bright sun while sitting on e green green grass and chattering away like e chirpy tweety birds.. nice experience :)

and finally, e cockatoos! they're really pretty when you see a whole flock of them perching all over e trees... they sure are chattery though! but they sure are pretty! *squawk!*

just wanna hide under this little umbrella forever

was stoning in e cold kitchen alone, clutching the hot cup of herbal tea that suet made for me (cos of my upcoming cough) and just enjoying being in the house, being in melbourne, being with suet, mx and steph.

and then i started looking ard the kitchen, and thinking abt how sad it'd be to leave this place behind when the time comes. it's only been 2 months, and this place really really feels so homely, despite all its teeny little flaws. it's like everything's so comfortable now and i dont want things to change. in such an amazingly short time, tlp has gotten attached to this place, and to each and every one here..

sometimes i really cant help but wonder what e future holds? how different will things be?
i guess it's really fear of e unknown, and fear to venture out of my comfort zone which is holding me back.. hmmm... i suppose this could be a test of faith ba..

and although it's something i've really been worrying about and questioning in the past few days, i really want to thank the Lord for helping me to come to understand that it's Him i really have to trust, that peace will come with faith in Him, and that at the end of everything, everything will work out, because He loves me and all i need is Him! =)

~hugx~

peace at last

blah blah blah

it's e start of a new week again! gosh....

.

today's australia's father's day.

.

what tlp has been up to e past 3 days:

.

fri: was supposed to play freesbie with church and schoolmates, but it was too windy, therefore ended up playing soccer indoors.. ahha tlp warmed e seat while laughing away at suet's antics.. then went for jon's church gathering and dinner, and youtube videos which were really entertaining :)

.

sat: went boxhill for grocery shopping and lunch, and murdered a safeway trolley! e thing just split as we were gg back to e car.. it chose a good spot to die though cos we were just opposite e car, and at e side of e road... if it had died earlier or later it would have been rather messy..

.
ahha and we found spotlight at last! yipee...

.

grocery shopping sure is tiring... suet and tlp went back and had a 3hour nap

.

then landlord arrived when we were preparing to cook dinner... with the electricity and water bills! ahhh our electricity bill is absolute madness.. $512! help.. and water bill was just under $100.. and e shower is choking up rather badly..

.

sun: church in e morning, cds, then had bbt in e city, more grocery shopping, and dinner with church ppl @ a jap place in melbourne central.. hehe had ox tongue (or so says jon tan) which was surprisingly nice after all! :)

.

parents are currently in toronto for 7 weeks... hehe hope they really enjoy their time there... and really hope Angel is coping well @ tuayi's place... poor darling... even brother was like "poor sad angel"... i hope she doesnt whine herself sick... maybe she'll finally start enjoying rocky e silky terrier's company yea..

.

and then.... photos and more introductions!

singaporeans @ latrobe! photo was taken at the national day celebration. we were all supposed to be in red or white... e national colors =)

and in e entire grp, only 2 were "new" ppl... and only 3 are not doing occ therapy!

we missed e national day parade cos we werent able to connect to e www.. food was good though! potluck.. we made fried rice i think, and jace made hainanese chicken rice... YUMMY! there was roti prata and curry and finger food and beehoon too :)

ahh... really miss e food @ home!

puppy @ e petshop @ greensborough.. darn cute pose!

next photo taken @ ikea! with suet and jon and mx's yellow camel... we went to ikea cos jon wanted to get a "cactus" (i.e. clothes hanger), ahha and it turned out that e one he wanted was out of stock... so ended up we all bought stuff except him! we got a set of 3 lunchboxes for e house, steph bought a red bin and a pink flower candle, suet got a pink and green (eew) ostrich and a blue lochness monstery looking giraffe and a pink flower candle, mx got e above mentioned yellow camel with pox and i got a rat!

ikea was nice and pretty and bright and cheery, as always! good stuff!

rat has settled in nicely with stitch. they entertain each other when not fighting for space on e pillow.

and one last pic, just for fun.. another photo taken @ docklands. sadly, cant see e background v clearly though... oh well... hehe just focus on e 3 ppl in front..

speaking of which... we finally had an honest little talk today after church, and i guess it's kinda cleared things up quite a bit... i have to admit tt my mood's been really bad recently, and i havent been the nicest friend to be around, with my moodswings and snappishness and irritability and stuff, which made me feel kinda awful inside as well, thus the distancing and withdrawal..

i guess with e excitment of moving here and settling down and all, we've practically been doing everything together, and there nv really was a chance for some quiet time. i nv even realised the need for time alone until it was too late, though i should've figured it out, when even taking e bus alone felt good. nv thought i'd ever treasure being alone.

so anyway, to cut things short, we finally had a little discussion, and honest, direct feelings were finally brought up and shared, and now at least we know how each is feeling and thinking. so hopefully things will return to normal soon, maybe even be better than before.

thoughts are extremely disjointed at e moment. i'm really sorry suet and mx for having been such a monster these past few days. hopefully we can really be honest and true (or as much as possible), even if e topic may be difficult to bring up.

and if ever there is a need to, pls pls pls tell me e truth straight out, even if it kills me!

i love you guys! :)