things to be thankful for

-that i'll soon be back among family, friends, and a lickity wet tongue again-
-that lickity wet tongues heal wounds faster and more effectively than time does-
-that this time no major exams were involved-
-that no major life decisions were made and finalised yet-
-that he did not play you out, that it could have been worse if he'd decided to just toy with feelings, even though the way things are being handled now is not too 'ideal' (for lack of a better word)-
-that you can still look at him straight in the eye without remorse or guilt-
-that there are still people willing to entertain your nonsense and endless whining and mood swings-
-that there are people outside of your tiny immediate social circle who are willing to spend time with you-
-that you have 2 housemates who bother to insist on making you eat, and willingly cook for you-
-that your dear friends are rallying their support for you, even though they are so so so far away-

-that you have your first song dedication on a dear friend's blog-
-that there are people praying for you-
-that your chickens are happy and healthy and soft and feathery and now have a nice big cage and proper chicken food-
-that your landlords are really really really really really good people-
-that you're healthy, and so are the people you love-
-that despite everything, you know you wont be afraid to love again-
-that one day, you'll be able to look back and smile-

so, so what even if he's totally indifferent to you? so what if you don't understand his behaviour? so what if he's happily leading his life like nothing happened? so what if he's happily oblivious to your hurt? so what if you think he has no right to be acting like that? so what if he's not answering your questions? so what if he's decided to run run run away and have nothing to do with you? what he does, how he handles things is none of your concern anymore. all you can do is to pray for his life, his happiness, his growth as a person. and for you to learn the lessons you were meant to learn, and move on too.

But there is no point in wondering and worrying, cursing shooting stars which ignored your wish, or trying to interpret signs which you werent able to understand even then (while in bendigo, was feeling quite down, so went for a walk down the dusty country lane praying and looking at rabbits and birds. while walking back towards the house, i prayed a ridiculous prayer - that i would see him out of the house, though he was supposed to be sleeping. wanted to know if he would actually bother to come out to look for me. anyway after the prayer, i looked up, and really did see him. he was locking up the gates, however, and didnt see me.) have been wondering, pondering, trying to understand if He really anwers prayers so literally, or if it was just a co-incidence, or if there's a deeper meaning. interpretation can go both ways too.

anyway, the point is, there is no point thinking so much unless you can somehow turn time back, and you can't, so stop thinking.

i like it when it rains, and i like it when it's sunny, but i really do not like the it-seems-like-it's-going-to-rain-any-minute-now-but-where's-the-rain kind of weather. and that's what got me into this mess i suppose. my need for a clearly defined situation, to know exactly what he was thinking, turning to drinking to try and stop myself thinking, ended up with me forcing him to make a decision in a drink-induced depressed state. but still, it was inevitable i guess (the irrational part of me wonders though). and as said before, it's meaningless to keep replaying such stuff anyway.

.

what didnt work out just didnt work out, through no fault of yours or his. i guess we just met at the wrong time, in the wrong place. you've encountered worse experiences, and survived. be strong, and in times of weaknesses, remember all you have to be thankful for!

and to end off, a song dedication to my dear friends of 10 years

(pls ignore the dodgy oldish-looking scenes in e video.. it's e words that make e song ya..

oldies are goodies though =p)

分享: 伍思凯

时间已做了选择

什么人叫做朋友

偶而碰头

心情却能一点就通

因为我们曾有过理想类似的生活

太多感受 绝非三言两语能形容

可能有时我们顾虑太多

太多决定需要我们去选择

担心会犯错 难免会受挫

幸好一路上有你陪我

与你分享的快乐

胜过独自拥有

至今我仍深深感动

好友如同一扇窗能让视野不同

与你分享的快乐

胜过独自拥有

至今我仍深深感动

好友如同一扇门让世界(变)开阔